Of Truths, Reasons and Memories
by UnderTheLights16
Summary: Emma writes a letter to Killian explaining the reasons why she had turned him into the dark one. And Killian has a response.
1. To Killian

**So this is post S5 Episode 8 "Birth"**

 _"_ _For someone who has never been in love you're quite perceptive."_ His voice echoed in her head. She remembered the first time she met him. She hated him back then. He would make her realize truths about herself that she didn't want to realize. And she definitely did not trust him.

She remembered his smile when he said, _"I don't mean to upset you, Emma, but I think we make quite the team."_

It was a different smile then those she would receive later.

 _"_ _It's what the kiss revealed."_ He had admitted his feelings for her when she didn't feel the same way. She still felt she couldn't trust him.

 _"_ _When i win your heart, and i will win it, it won't be because of any trickery. it will be because you want me."_

It wasn't until later on when he had joined her on her accidental adventure to the past did she realize she was starting to have feelings for the pirate.

He had insisted that leaving to New York would mean she'd keep running away from her problems.

He was the whom she shared her first ball dance with and afterwards when they were back home they had kissed.

A real kiss. That meant something to both of them. For her it wasn't the fact that he had traded his ship. It was because she has come to the realization that he was trustworthy and he would be there to support her in everything. And he was.

It would have been nice to have a calm start of relationship but of course that was hard in Storybrooke.

In the 6 weeks when everything in Storybrooke was calm it almost seemed like a happy dream. She'd get up in the morning ready for work walk outside to find him with her tea and his coffee. They'd kiss good morning and walk towards the library where he was working with Belle. He would always remember to kiss her head before she walked off and he'd whisper "See you later, love" in her ear while grinning at her. Later at night they'd have a date night either alone or with her family and it was always a nice time.

Sometimes at night they'd sit by the docks and have conversations that would go on forever. She'd talk about her past and he would talk about his. Neither would ask questions. They just understood. Sometimes their conversations were silly such as when she made fun of him.

"You don't know what a selfie is? Where have you lived the past years?" Emma would tease.

"Come on. What is it then?" He asked.

"Take out the phone I gave you."

He pulled the phone and handed it to her.

"Alright so you take the camera and you push here see so now the cameras pointing towards us. And if we take a picture..." She pressed the button. The screen now showed them smiling and she gave him back his phone.

"That's a selfie."

"It should be called the best picture ever. A dashing pirate and a beautiful princess."

She rolled her eyes.

"Can you teach me another thing?"

"What?"

"How do I make my phone show this picture when I turn it on like you have the picture of you and Henry?"

She looked at her phone and realized he was talking about the lockscreen.

"Here." She took his phone.

Now whenever he looked at his phone it had their two smiling faces.

 _"I will always chose to see the best in you."_  
 _"And I you"_

The memory flashed followed by another of them, her arm wrapped around his and her head on his shoulder as they took one of their evening strolls.

Then to when he confessed that she was his happy ending and he was afraid of losing her.

There was the memory of meeting his shy cowardly self and then teaching him how to fight. His little nervous smile had made her laugh then the scene changed to a memory of him falling to his death as he sacrificed himself for her and Henry in the alternate universe.

And of course the great feeling of joy and relief as she found him alive and well back home.

 _"How many times do I have to tell you, Swan. I'm a survivor"_

 _"It's all in a day's work for a hero."_ He simply smiled as she placed her forehead on his so relieved. He was still here.

More flashes of his smile as they danced together at the Camelot ball. As they kissed in the meadow. As he assured her that he was sure they'd get back to that white picket fence life they had talked about before.

 _"You got a pierced eyed pirate that loves you."_

 _"Love has been all too rare in your life."_

 _"Don't you know Emma? It's you."_

 _"I assure you the future is nothing to be afraid of."_

His voiced echoed through her head of the many things he had said to her.

She stared at the cut on his neck that was slowly pulling him away. Soon Killian would be gone.

 _"You have to let me go."_ He barely said.

But when he said those words everything flashed back to all the memories. All she could think about is how she would never survive without him. She had lost almost everyone and she was not gonna lose him. They had gone through too much and he meant too much. Before there hadn't been a chance to save the others.

 _"_ _Everyone I have ever been with is dead. Neal, Graham, even Walsh. I lost everyone."_ Her own voice echoed.

Now here was her chance. He could live. It didn't matter if there were two dark ones. They could conquer it together.

That is why she did it. This is why she had done the greatest selfish deed.

She couldn't let him go. She needed him to fight as he always did and stay by her side.

 _"I can't lose you too."_ Her voiced echoed again.

When she saw him take a final breath and slowly close his eyes she knew. He'd be gone forever. There would never be another lover. She wouldn't be able to find anyone like him.

She knew she had to do it.

That's why Emma did it.

I know you're still in there Killian. You might not want to forgive me for what I did. I know it was a terrible thing to do but it my mind there was no choice.

Come back to me. Together we can rid ourselves from this darkness.

I love you. Even if you don't want to see me right now, trust me. I will find a way to save you. To save us.

 _From Emma._

 **A letter from Emma to Killian. I wonder what that response letter would look like hahaha. Anyways I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to leave reviews :)**


	2. To Emma

**So I thought you know what it would be fun to add a second letter to this. Might be fun at least until the next episode comes out.**

 **[Insert Killian's fancy writing]**

There is no "us" anymore. Whatever you think "saving" is don't even try. It's too late. You've done your terrible deed and there's no turning back.

But I do question over and over: How could you do such a horrible thing to me? I've done nothing but fight the dark one. I sought revenge for centuries and then I fought so hard to bring you back from being the dark and now I have become what I hate most.

In truth you did this to me because you couldn't bear the thought of letting go. Love you say. This act, Swan? It was anything but love. Do you know what it was? Selfishness. How could you do something so selfish? You made me pay the price. I would have been happy seeing you rid yourself of the darkness. If you truly wanted to show your love for me you would have given me my last dying wish. That wasn't enough for you. At that moment you were only thinking of yourself. How you couldn't let me go. You became a coward. You were quick to use magic. You let the darkness within you provide your answer which makes you no different than the crocodile.

You should have known. Yes magic might have kept me alive but magic will always come with a price.

I used to be a survivor and you've taken that away from me. I'm practically a coward too now because I have become a man who has cheated death and who holds unholy power.

But has turning me into the dark one done anything better? Now my heart is filled again with revenge and anger.

I want nothing to do with you. You've chosen your path of darkness. Don't go try murdering anyone in cold blood for the sake of taking the darkness out of me. What's done is done.

I hope you realize that all I ever wanted was for you to be yourself again. I wanted to to become the real Emma again. After what you did we have fallen further apart. It shows me that Emma is truly no longer here and if she isn't then what do I have left to fight for.

Don't worry about me, Swan. I lived with demons in my head before. Darkness is not a stranger to me. I know it too well. Well enough to know that you have created a monster. Perhaps you should prepare yourself because I will soon show you what a big mistake you've made.

As for your thoughts on saving me? Saving us? Need I remind you that you're still the dark one too? I laugh at the thought. You can't be the savior anymore. No, not when now every action you take will be clouded by darkness. There is nothing you can do about it. Face it Swan. You've ruined our future.

 _From Killian_

 **Please excuse Killian's short letter. He's very angry at the moment. Emma is going to respond to this of course. Will post soon.**


	3. From Emma

**Here's Emma's response to Killian's letter. I wanted to post it before the new episode came out.**

I agree that it was I did to you was truly wrong since I know how much you have hated the darkness. I wish I could say I didn't do it, but I can't because I do not regret what I did. Even if it has distanced you from me at least I know you're alive. I couldn't just let you die.

Killian I love you. I want this future for us and I refuse to believe that I have ruined it. Our talks of the future can't just vanish. We jokingly talked about getting a house together and you actually planned on buying on a house and surprising me later. The house, it was your idea and you can't tell me that you don't think about the good life we could have. I know the real Killian thinks about it. Because you're still in there. I may have become a dark one, but the real Emma was always here. I thought about every good moment we had and its what kept me wanting to fight to get this darkness out. If you're still in there if you haven't let the darkness take over then I know you want to get rid of it too. You just have to stop listening to the demons.

I notice how you're ignoring me. I know you disappear on purpose every time I try looking for you. But you need to give me a chance. We can work together. Together. That is a word you have always said to me. _Together we can find another way. Together we can do this. Together we can fight it. Together we can overcome it._

When I was consumed with confusion and with darkness there was one man who helped me realize that I was not a monster. Just the sound of his voice and reasoning reminded me that I could fight the darkness.

 _"_ _We can find another way, together. Look at us. Heroes and villains together for you. Because of you. And if we can overcome it, if we can overcome our demons then so can you."_

That is what you said to me, Killian, when you first found me. The moment those words came out of your mouth I knew you were right. I couldn't just let the darkness take control of me. Well I want to do the same for you.

You're wrong in saying I'm not the savior. I will make heroes and villains come together again expect this time they'll be saving you. No matter what happens I don't plan on giving up on you and I will fight to bring back the Killian that is beneath this dark one. This is my fault anyways.

I made you a dark one because I trusted and believed you could fight this darkness. Killian, you were able to become a better man once and you can do it again. I know you can do this. You just need reminding of who you are.

You are a man who has had every good thing taken away from him. You've lost family. You've lost love. You've lost all hope in yourself before. You preferred to act alone and think about yourself that way you couldn't get hurt. Soon you realized you actually cared about other people. You were able to find a good path. You're brave, you stand for good form, you're a survivor yet you're a fighter. I know exactly who you are. I know you more than anyone and I know you can be a good man again.

I will not allow the darkness to cloud my mind again. My family will fight along with me. I will get the darkness out of you without any more dark deeds because I want to show you that I am still Emma. I want to show you that you still have someone to fight for and that you have someone that is willing to do anything to get you out of that darkness.

Please don't allow my mistake to become any bigger. Don't let it consume you, Killian. You know the darkness too well, but I know you can turn away from it.

 _"_ _Be careful, Swan. As someone who started on the good and went dark, take my advice vengeance is tempting it always is resist it."_

 _"_ _Why couldn't you?"_

 _"_ _I didn't have anything to live for. You have your parents, Henry-"_

 _"_ _You."_

 _"_ _Aye me…and I you. Thats whats kept me on my path now. Use whatever it takes to stay on yours."_

If I am what has kept you away from darkness like you once said then I will help you get path on your good path.

Avoid those demons. Stop listening to them. Be as strong as you always have been. The good Killian must fight the dark one. I don't want to be a dark one anymore and I don't want you to be one either. We have to get rid of this darkness but we must do it together. You can't become a monster. That's just the darkness in you talking. The real you doesn't want revenge.

Please. Listen to me. I love the man who who reminds me not to be afraid. A man who shows me that darkness can be overcome and who showed me that he could be a hero. A man who shows me who I could be and all that I'm capable of. A man who makes me feel less insecure about who I am. A man who deserves to be happy. A man who I want to be with. Even with the darkness that I have put within you I still love you because you can come back from it. Please come back from it.

— _Emma_

 **Hoped you enjoyed her letter. New episode tomorrow! Dark Hook seems awesome.**


	4. The Final Letters

**Thank you so much for reading this. I really appreciate it, especially those of you who wanted me to continue. :)**

 _To Killian_

Killian! You haven't responded to my last letter and you keep ignoring me. Please. I promise you that we can gain that future again. Please talk to me.

 _To Emma_

Emma! You're right. What am I doing? I can fight against this darkness. I need to fight this. We need to fight this. For our future. I can never be happy gaining revenge. My happy ending is you. I have to fight this. I used to be a better man and I can become that better man again. I have to listen to you. You're going to help me stay on this good path.

But Emma. I can't. I'm not strong enough.

I remember every single thing that you've done to me and all the ways you've hurt me. The darkness only allows me to see the dark one that you are now.

You're not Emma. Stop poisoning me with your words. Stop sending me letters. I'll start burning them.

I love you, Emma. But I'm afraid I can't control the darkness. It's taking over me. It's clouding my thoughts. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I want to do this for you, but I'm not so sure I can survive this. I don't want you to suffer because of me. Stay away.

You must destroy me. If we allow this darkness within me to continue who knows what will happen. I don't want to hurt you or your family but the dark one in me might say otherwise. Do whatever it takes to get rid of me.

 _To Killian_

No! You can't let the darkness take over you. Killian come and find me. Stop hiding. Let the good you listen to me and come to me.

I will not destroy you. I did not have you live just for you to die again. I did this to save you. I can see how the darkness is taking over you. I know that when you talk about hurting me it really is just the dark one. Well now that I know you're still in there, Killian I will do whatever it takes to bring you back.

Our love is strong. We will get past this.

Dark one I will find you, but I won't kill the man I love. I'll be destroying that darkness.

Don't worry, Killian. I'm coming for you. I'll save you. I'll save us.

 **Hopefully you read this before the episode, but if you didn't I hoped you still enjoyed this**. 


End file.
